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It comes and goes

It comes and goes


Life sometimes gets so messed up that it gets hard for once to recognise oneself in those situations.

So it did for me.

I know I am using 'did' to refer it as it happened in the past, whereas actually, it bothers me in the present as well.

I know it becomes difficult to find inner peace and the person no longer knows what or how he actually was, even though he lives in the past but that's the past that became the very reason for him to become weird at the first place.




I don't know how, but somehow out of the blue, in the middle of all that mess and hatred, the "LOST" little guy managed to come up and made me do the right thing.

It was a text.

I know sometimes things need to be done in person, as in for real rather than being a virtual presence, but I didn't know what would happen if I actually see her.

So I texted.
"I know I have been weird to you lately, but I should not be this way. I know it has been hard for you too. But it has been uncontainable for me. I have been unstable emotionally. And I want to tell you that I don't hate you. I hate what you have done. But I don't hate you. I can never hate you because you are the only person on this planet that I have loved and opened up to in every aspect and I still love you even if you ruled against it. I behave this way because of mixed and overwhelming emotions that come up. The extreme anger, love, memories, warmth, and even more anger because of all being snatched away in a blow. My mind wraps it all up into a capsule of HATE. But I want to let you know that it is not what it seems. It's the shield of anger. It comes and goes. I can't help it. I am sorry for being this way to you. I want you to be safe. I want you to take good care of yourself. I want you to be happy and stay that way."




There. I just said what I had to. It took great courage for me to do this. Even though the anger part came to me in bits and pieces while saying that, but I can control it in this amount. At least now I can, after being driven by it I know what are its weakness and how to bend it.




I don't know why I did it or how the Little guy came to the rescue. But I am glad he did.

I don't know if this would take me closer to inner peace or take it further away from me.

But I know that I did the right thing today to the person that matters the most to me.

And now I can sleep peacefully after too long.
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