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Piece of Shit | That Dream

<LATE PUBLISH. Original date of writing: February 5, 2017>


Piece of Shit | That Dream
Sitting in front of the only girl I have ever loved, looking back on those days, all in my head and feeling depressed and angry.

She didn't even say a word and I imagined that she said "sorry".

Here is what comes next from my mouth, almost as instantly as my mind was making things up...

I am not mad at you, I am mad at what you did.
Umh..actually....I am mad at you.
And not just because of you, its because I m mad at myself too. And by that I am not giving you the green card to move out of the scene; you see it all started because of you and what you did is the primary reason for me being like this.

I am mad at not just you and me but at anyone who stupidly enough talks to their "SOUL MATES" <as if that actually means something> in a manner which is nothing but a very over-dramatic display of love, which is no more there & has been all worn off b/w them, just to keep up the spark in their hollow, shallow and good for nothing relationship which used to be great at the beginning
<at least that's what they thought it was because they were not able to analyse the new feelings and flow of hormones at that time>
< I mean c'mon people! It's high time human race should know about the hitting of increased dopamine and sudden rush of adrenaline>

It is just so irritating. The way they talk and behave when speaking to their partners just creeps me out.
"Hello baby! How are you! Mmwwahh!"
And funnily enough the other side, which is BTW in the same stupid mental state with not being able to distinguish the difference b/w idiot-ism and actual love,
Replies with all the puppyish tone,"You know too much kissing causes pimples!"
Da fuk!
I mean look at that! That is not even relevant what she just replied!
I swore to M at that moment, out loud and clear in my intentions, that next time I hear this kind-o' stuff, I will definitely throw a chair on his face.
Stupid lovers.
They shouldn't even be called lovers.
Pieces of shit!
Stinky and dirty shit pods!
Such stupidity shall not be allowed to exist in this God forsaken world of mean people.

And then when I look back at myself in those days of my stupidity!
I feel like a piece of shit.
How the hell did I not realise that back then! Could've just saved me from a lot of suffering. I just had to dedicate myself to her, didn't I?

And look what's the difference now!
Now I know all this stuff. Can see it all.
And even then, as and when I come in front of you....I again become the same old Piece of shit.
And that makes me angrier.
Makes me wanna destroy everything.
Giving in to something I know is not worth it...and yet not being able to help myself.

So

I m not mad at you

I am mad because of you




Suddenly a loud noise woke me up. I cursed the sound because it was after so much time I saw the very face that I am fond of, even though it was just a dream.

That Weird Dream.




p.s. - those of you wondering who M is, he is a friend of mine who was having that conversation with his girlfriend, which caused me to have this dreadful dream. And I think it won't be appropriate to disclose his identity.
Cheerio!!
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